Communicating mindfully in dementia

Talking to a friend or relative with dementia can be frustrating:

are there any tips that help?

My comments on ideas from the 'a place for mom' website

1. Recognize what you’re up against. Dementia advances gradually, strategies may need to change with time
2. Avoid distractions. If talking is effortful, find a quiet time and place to communicate.
3. Speak clearly and naturally in a warm and calm voice. Avoid patronising tones as if you were talking to a child.
4. Refer to people by their names. Use their name and your own name, be prepared to recap.
5. Talk about one thing at a time. Keep the conversation simple.
6. Use nonverbal cues. Look at the person while you're talking and use gestures if needed.
7. Listen actively. Try not to agree with what they say if you haven't understood; though asking for clarification can be hard.
8. Don’t quibble. Let delusions and missatatments go; constantly challenging can shift the mood.
9. Have patience. Be calm, keep a warm tone when you repeat things.
10. Understand there will be good days and bad days. Tiredness, anxiety and discomfort can all disrupt concentration.

I have sometimes noticed people looking bored or embarrassed when visiting an elderly relative. For that reason, I would add four more rules:

1. Make statements whenever you can: 'You look well today' may be more useful than 'How are you today?' Give the person time to qualify a statement.
2. Leave pauses: the spontaneous words may be much more valuable than responses to questions or statements.
3. Try reading aloud: poems, stories or novels. Even people with incoherent speech may respond.
4. Keep a communication book which any visitors or staff can write in so information is shared.